School has actually been alright, but I am very thankful for the holiday on Monday!!!

This weekend was Bearkadette Ball. Oh my gosh! Absolutely amazing. Out of all four years - this year was by far the best. The theme was great, I loved the music, I had an awesome date, I felt gorgeous in my dress, the hummer limo- everything fell into place. I thought it would be awkward with all our parents there [senior parents get to go], but it wasn't at all. They had fun to, but it was pretty funny seeing my parents dance. The DJ was a crazy guy- he had us start dancing in three circles moving in opposite directions and yelling 'hey!'. I definitely felt like I was at a Greek wedding for awhile. The night was so great- the whole event was 6 hours long. We all were pretty disgusting afterwards haha. All of the seniors danced on stage so that was alot of fun. Nathan was a really fun date because he likes to dance. That's the only way you can do it. The after party at Camille's was cool too. We stayed up til 4 and 5. I'm pretty dead right now.

We took pictures at the Falls and there were professional photgraphers who are friends of some of the bearkadettes. I can't wait to see the pictures. Everyone looked gorgeous! The night was so great. Dinner was pretty good too and I loved the senior slide show. Amazing!

There were few things I had problems with: We decided that the father/daughter dance was going to be "Because You Loved Me" by Celine Dion, but it ended up as "Butterfly Kisses". Ick- I personally have issues with that song so it was a little  uncomfortable me. I just didn't understand why the song was different after we all compromised on 'Because you loved me' for father/daughter and "I'll be" for the senior/escort dance. I also was sad because each of the seniors had info read about them as they were presented. Some of us had things we remember left off- not a huge deal, but [not trying to sound cocky] I had my awards skipped over. I don't want to be a show off, but it's my senior year, and I'm proud of my accomplishments so I'd liked to share them with those who I am closest with and that's my drill team friends.

But overall it was glorious, and the decorations were great. I just don't understand how I missed the massive white palm trees. But anywhooo....

I'm sad though that this was my last ball. The night was amazing and i didn't want it to end.....ahhh a bittersweet feeling.....

Currently Listening The Yellow Ribbon Collection By Tony Orlando & Dawn Tie A Yellow Ribbon Round the Old Oak Tree see related

SCHOOL TOMORROW!! HOORAY?? I don't think so.

But practice wasn't bad at all tonight whoop!

Ball is getting closer and I am so excited! It's going to be such a blast. I finally took my dress home from the shop today and I feel so elegant in it.

On a weirder note: I know I stated in the last entry how much I am not ready for going away to college, but I am looking so forward to shopping for college. I think it's a girl thing- I know alot of my friends who were super stoked to go back-to-school-clothes-and-supplies shopping. It's going to be fun to get things for organizing and decorating the dorm room and the supplies for classes and all the fun lil extras. I'm such a loser haha.

I ate at Outback several nights ago and it was delicious. I love the bloomin' onion. Yummy!!

Okay so I was tagged by Jennifer, so I guess I will finally participate in an online chain.

The Rules: The first player of this game starts with the topic "My 5 Weird Habits" and people who get tagged have to write a xanga entry about their 5 weird habits as well as set the rules clearly. In the end you need to choose the next 5 people to be tagged and list them in your entry and don't forget to leave them comments and tell them you tagged them and to read your site to see the details.

Alright- Only 5 of My Weird Habits

5. I can't just spread butter on the biscuit or roll or piece of bread that I am eating. I have to scoop out a good amount from the butter container onto my plate and dip my bread in it. It just tastes better that way. Even with the individually wrapped butter packs- i open them up and dip. I usually go through several before I finish one piece of bread. --> sorry if that grosses anyone out.

4. No matter when I receive or buy a new cd I have to open it right then and there. It doesn't matter whether or not I am going to play it right away, but that it is out of the plastic covering. There's something about taking that plastic wrap off that makes me realize that it's mine I guess- Since I took the plastic wrap off, I know that I own it. It's all mine.

3. If I go to Starbucks and order a drink involving whip cream, I have to scoop out the whip cream with my straw. I have to eat all of my whip cream before I drink the drink, or at least almost all of it. I use the end I don't drink from of the straw. Sure, it's harder than just using a spoon, but it works and I'm used to it.

2. For my lunches at school, I have to eat the sandwich first. I don't know why, but that's how I always have done it. Then comes the fruit and crackers at the same time. Lastly, the 'dessert'.           W-e-i-r-d.

1.  I will have to get back to you on this last one- I know the habits are there, just can't think of specifics.

I think I went into to much detail about my weird habits

Okay so I tag....

*Nathalie

*Rachel A.

*Medgeller

*Parker

*Meg Sing

Have fun ladies!!

Well it is about 9 and I need to force myself back into a schedule so I am going to bed. Have a good night everyone and a great first day back to school. *gulp* Good Luck everyone

Happy New Year! Hopefully this is the beginning to a wonderful year for everybody. I wish the best to you all in this upcoming year. I haven't really thought about a new year's resolution, though. Maybe to not get addicted to coffee this year- last year was bad. I blame it on physics.

Hope the holiday break was pleasant for everyone as well. I felt bad because on new year's at about 11:57 or so an amulance came to a house on the street where I was. All the people were standing outside. I don't know what happened, but it seems like a cruddy way to start off the new year. I hope that person is okay.

 It seemed like a long time off, but I'm not ready to go back. Once we go back to school it will be official for some of us: Second Semester Seniors. I'm not ready for this. 5 months until we graduate. 5 months until we all move on and go separate ways. I have been in denial about everything because that's how badly I don't want to have to say goodbye to everybody. Call me weak, but I don't do well with giving up friendships and I hate when old ones change. I love changes in other aspects of life, but growing up is hard. Don't you ever wish you were that 5 year old again with no cares in the world, running through the sprinkler with the neighborhood kids in your front yard? Or waking up early on Saturdays not because of a school project or a job or a sport but because you didn't want to miss Saturday morning cartoons? It's inevitable though, we grow up. We change. We move on.

My brothers came home for Christmas and I didn't realize how much I missed them. They mean alot to me. Mike left yesterday and Robert left today. Once both of them left, my house felt so empty. It's too  quiet. It's not the same. I feel like a piece of me is missing. I'm so glad I was able to spend time with them. That will be me next year- coming home for Christmas. What a change. How odd it will be, I guess a bittersweet reunion among family and friends.

I'm ready to be on my own in a sense and have kind of a separate, more independent life. 5 months-wow. It is coming fast. I remember when I couldn't wait to turn 13 and then 16 and now 18. But I wish I could be 7 just once more for a little while and to learn to appreciate my childhood as a child.

Well, here comes 2006, and I am just going to have to continue forward or else it will pass me by even quicker than I expect it will.

I wish the lyrics of this song were true- time goes by, so slowly... good song though. I can't help it. Madonna is one of my guilty pleasures

So here's to the new year and may all your hopes and dreams come true.

Currently Watching The Lord of the Rings - The Two Towers (Widescreen Edition) By Ian McKellen, Viggo Mortensen, Elijah Wood see related

Church is suppose to be a safe haven, right? So why am I the most unhappy there? Yes, I'll admit that lately I think I have abandoned God, but he never deserts me. He's waiting for me to come back, I know He is. However, I find myself leaning on earthly things to keep me going. It's so much easier to find comfort in secular music and the bad tv shows since no one gives me the time of day at church. I appreciate the adults who care, and I get along well with all the adults. Teenagers is where I have my most problem, but I am one. The more I go to church, the more I hate going because I see all the cliches and not one "takes me in". I don't have a place and it sucks. Choir is the worst part. Walking in, not seeing a friendly face to sit by.... that's such a cool feeling... Or if I see some empty seats, no one sits within a radius of two chairs in any direction like I have rabies or something. I'm kind when someone speaks to me, but how often is that? Literally, I only have three TRUE friends at Church. Choir tour is going to bite this year. It won't be fun trapped on a bus for a whole week with people who could care less about me. It's going to be so uncomfortable. The only thing keeping me in choir is our new director Gene. He's amazing, has such a fire and passion for God and music. I always loved music because of dancing, but now I vocally enjoy it as well. I don't have an amazing voice or anything, but I can carry a tune pretty well. The fact that Gene's here and the trip at the end of the year is for changing lives of others we visit and bringing the people we perform our musical for closer to God are what keep me going.

I thought life at church would get easier as I grew up. I've always been the outcast. Some people have encouraged me to go to youth on Sunday nights and I have, but it sucks even more than choir because I end up sitting alone eating in a corner or attaching to another group, not saying anything. I don't understand why my brother was so easily accepted and no one wants to be my friend. That has to be the most frustrating thing when an older sibling is more popular. I never know what to do with myself.

I drown myself in sin. I want a way out, but church only makes it worse. I'm torn up inside.

If only there was a way out...

from my own

destruction